Today I have had an epiphany about my life and life in general. It has been awhile since I have written; waiting for inspiration is not always easy. This past school year and the start of the summer has not been the most inspiring time for me. Dealing with stressful situations, schools, friendships coming and going, you would think it was plenty inspirational, but it was just hectic. So I am going to get back into this, writing at least once a week and hoping to inspire some others with my thoughts and words.
Today my high school has graduation for yet another class of successful seniors. I have quite a few younger friends graduating today and I could not be happier for them. Graduating high school may seem like such an easy task. The classes are not terribly hard; you come, do your work and leave. But sometimes the things that go on outside of the classroom are what make it hard for high schoolers. A few of my friends dealt with these struggles, myself included. Sometimes things are not as easy as you expect them to be and my social life in high school was one of those things. I love my friends more than anything, but I have had to pick and choose many times throughout people and really find out whom I could trust and be around. Relationships were hard, deaths of friends even harder. My lack of a positive self-image took over.That was my high school experience.
So today, as I am planning gifts for those who deserve them after graduation, I sat back and thought hard. I thought about what advice I could give someone, thoughts and words of wisdom I could relay to someone in need, who may not know which direction to turn in now. And then it hit me. The advice I want to give someone, is not the route I have been taking or the advice I have been following. And it is time I do so.
Nothing is harder than facing problems within yourself. I know someone whom I think is beautiful inside and out, but she does not think the same. Is that not so common in this world? This world is so full of beautiful things that are covered up or blinded by the people whom are filled with hate. It makes me so sad to see others suffer, like I, myself suffer. In a world so judgemental and harsh, people really stuggle. So thinking back on my four years of high school, where I am today and what I could honestly convey to people younger than me, I realized a lot about myself and life.
Life is what you make it. Things are not going to be easy, hardly ever. Relationships are never going to be absolutely perfect like you see in the movies. Confidence is not genetic or hereditary, it takes work. These are things that make up our lives: Confidence, relationships with people, inner strength, money and hard work. Sometimes I think that internally you need to be the strongest person on the planet to get through the day and other days I think that being sad and having a tough time is okay. These things are all lessons learned that have helped me develop, but honestly, it dates back to high school. I know a lot of people had the time of their lives, others struggled and some hated it. I really do believe that once you get out you take a step back, realize a lot and start developing yourself as an individual person in this adult, scary world. So here's the advice I can give, but have not been taking for myself.
I am going to be a senior in college. Looking back on when I was a senior in high school, sitting in my maroon chair in the gymnasiam of Bangor Area High School, I had this huge smile on my face. I did not cry, I was not even sad to be leaving high school; I was over it all. I had no idea what direction to turn in but I loved the fact that it was all up to me, it was all my choice. I felt such freedom and all I ever wanted was to grow up. Did I make all the right choices though? Definitely not. Is being a grown up what I thought it would be? In ways yes. I went down some stupid roads I should not have, I messed up a time or two and I struggled with a lot internally and still do up until this day. I can look a graduating senior in the face tonight and say, "keep your worries to a minimum, because things do get better" and know I have not been living through those words. I can honestly say, "find out who your best friends were in high school and give it six months to a year. If they are still around, you are usually golden. However, do not get your hopes up if they are not around in that time." I can look at my friend's faces and say, "Make all the decisions you make for yourself, no one else. Be that individual woman that you have always dreamed of being and stay strong" and know that I have not been living these words either. What I can honestly say that I have never lived is, "leave what happened these past four years behind you and move on. The rearview mirror is for reversing and on the high way, you cannot do that."
I have lived in the past for too long. What happened to me in my past does not reflect the person I am today, but I let it. I let the past shape who I am and I am ashamed of that. Very bad things have happened to me and some of those things have made me stronger, but they have all affected me negatively. That is the best advice I can give to anyone graduating tonight or that is in the same postion I am right now; sitting here, thinking back and realizing that you have not acheived the goals you once set for yourself as a person. Do not let the negative things in life shape you as a person. Nothing is worth worrying about because things always work out in the end. Worrying gets you know where but upset and stressed out, which never makes anything better. I have worried about so many things that I cannot help or change and let so many things that I could alter pass by quickly. Life is too short for all of that, you need to be free from all of it.
Walking into the real world is scary. However I have to say, if I would have walked into it with this mentality, things would be very different for me right now. I fight a low self-esteem in a confident exterior. I struggle with past mistakes and occurances in a strong and positive mask. I am such a strong person with a weak heart and worrisome mind. I cry for the "what ifs" and the "I wish I could go backs" instead of peddling forward up this huge hill of life. That hill keeps going and going. You get tired at some points but if you stop you will fall backward and roll back down. There is nothing like taking a step back when you want to take two steps forward; it is an awful feeling. So do not do so. Keep pushing ahead to bigger and better things. Set goals and dreams and follow them until they smack you in the face, showing you satisfaction and gratitude. Leave the past where it is and follow a clear and sunny path to success as a person and in an career path that you choose. Looking at frienships and/or relationships, live day to day. Heart breaks are going to happen and friendships are going to dwindle, but you keep moving forward. Life keeps going. So do not worry yourself and waste time on people who do not have time and do not worry about you. Find those who you can grow old with and keep laughing. It is the best medicine for a heartache, sadness, worry or fear.
I wish I would have had someone to say these things to me as I was starting my future, but now I can do that for some of you. As I look back I may have not moved up my hill as much as I would have liked to but I can say this: I am a strong woman. I have dealt with so much disappointment and hard times, within myself especially and ran through them head first. I am more confident every single day and with it being my biggest battle, I am turning into someone I can see my mom being proud of and my kids looking up to.
Today has been very inspirational for me. I just want everyone to know that things do get better, time does not stop for anyone or anything and you have the power to create your life the way you want to. No one is going to stand in your way, and if they do, move them.
Be strong, be bold, be free.
06 June 2013
13 January 2013
Fear itself
What would you do if you could not fail and you were not afraid?
I came across these two questions today while scrolling through Tumblr and I stopped and thought, I really don't know how to answer that. So I decided to dig deeper and really think about what I'd do.
Honestly, I'd be a journalist for Cosmopolitan if I knew I could not fail, if I wasn't afraid of failure and I knew I was the best for the job. That's my dream job and some think, wow, it's a sex magazine, but that's not all. I love it because it's interesting and it helps so many women with self esteem issues, sex lives, style, health and relationship ups and downs. I love that about Cosmo. I love that it's targeted towards a wide audience of women: the shy, the out-going, successful, unsuccessful, overweight, those who lack style and etc. Just like I try to do here, I would want to voice my opinion, with research and a team and help women all over the world to a better and more fulfilling life.
I would also sky dive. To feel the rush of free falling, being totally out of control of what happens next, having the adrenaline pumping through my whole entire body as I can't catch a breathe, seeing the world from so far away get closer and closer every second, foot, that I'm falling.
I would put myself out there more. I am an outgoing, fun-loving person, but I can also be shy believe it or not. Through my insecurities, I have shied away from things I could have experienced because I think i will look absurd or someone will be standing there, waiting for me to fail, like so many times before, so they can laugh and do it better. If I was not afraid, I would think positively all the time. I would not have a care in the world and I would live through an optimism's approach. But I am afraid to fail and get hurt. I am afraid of not being good enough for some one or a special some thing - irrationally or not. These are things I wish to change, because "the only thing to fear is fear itself."
I never took that quote to heart until now as I thought of it. We must fear, fear itself because it can essentially take over how we think and the way we live. There are tons of people who will not get behind the driver seat of a vehicle because they are afraid. This is major because that is an experience we should all have the luxury of having. Some are afraid to voice their opinions; something I am not personally afraid of. They have been torn down and told negative things for so long, that they no longer want to voice their concerns, ideas or opinions of other matters. This tears you apart as a person and as an individual mind; always speak up, you have nothing to lose.
Some are afraid to love or love again. This is a hard one because no one really wants to fall in love again once heart broken. But let me tell you something, you can be afraid of it, hide from it or think negatively toward it, but you will never help falling in love; it is not something you can control. Never be afraid to love someone who treats you wonderfully and loves you. Love CAN be scary. Love is blind and when in a relationship with someone who is not good to you, things can go wrong and you can hurt herself more than ever by being blind of it all; believe me. But never be afraid, take life for all it's got. Experience everything you can, live everyday fully and happily; you only get one chance at this.
Many people would do different things in their lives if they were not afraid and could not fail. I would peruse my dream career, that hey, I might just have one day. I would also stop the negativity, even though I've been trying to do that every day. Negatively comes from being afraid and being afraid to fail, two feelings I wish did not exist. But they do and we need to learn to deal with them the best we can. We cannot let fear run our lives. We must go out and get what we want and what is best for us.
So, now I ask you again. What would you do if you could not fail and were not afraid?
Be strong, be bold.
I came across these two questions today while scrolling through Tumblr and I stopped and thought, I really don't know how to answer that. So I decided to dig deeper and really think about what I'd do.
Honestly, I'd be a journalist for Cosmopolitan if I knew I could not fail, if I wasn't afraid of failure and I knew I was the best for the job. That's my dream job and some think, wow, it's a sex magazine, but that's not all. I love it because it's interesting and it helps so many women with self esteem issues, sex lives, style, health and relationship ups and downs. I love that about Cosmo. I love that it's targeted towards a wide audience of women: the shy, the out-going, successful, unsuccessful, overweight, those who lack style and etc. Just like I try to do here, I would want to voice my opinion, with research and a team and help women all over the world to a better and more fulfilling life.
I would also sky dive. To feel the rush of free falling, being totally out of control of what happens next, having the adrenaline pumping through my whole entire body as I can't catch a breathe, seeing the world from so far away get closer and closer every second, foot, that I'm falling.
I would put myself out there more. I am an outgoing, fun-loving person, but I can also be shy believe it or not. Through my insecurities, I have shied away from things I could have experienced because I think i will look absurd or someone will be standing there, waiting for me to fail, like so many times before, so they can laugh and do it better. If I was not afraid, I would think positively all the time. I would not have a care in the world and I would live through an optimism's approach. But I am afraid to fail and get hurt. I am afraid of not being good enough for some one or a special some thing - irrationally or not. These are things I wish to change, because "the only thing to fear is fear itself."
I never took that quote to heart until now as I thought of it. We must fear, fear itself because it can essentially take over how we think and the way we live. There are tons of people who will not get behind the driver seat of a vehicle because they are afraid. This is major because that is an experience we should all have the luxury of having. Some are afraid to voice their opinions; something I am not personally afraid of. They have been torn down and told negative things for so long, that they no longer want to voice their concerns, ideas or opinions of other matters. This tears you apart as a person and as an individual mind; always speak up, you have nothing to lose.
Some are afraid to love or love again. This is a hard one because no one really wants to fall in love again once heart broken. But let me tell you something, you can be afraid of it, hide from it or think negatively toward it, but you will never help falling in love; it is not something you can control. Never be afraid to love someone who treats you wonderfully and loves you. Love CAN be scary. Love is blind and when in a relationship with someone who is not good to you, things can go wrong and you can hurt herself more than ever by being blind of it all; believe me. But never be afraid, take life for all it's got. Experience everything you can, live everyday fully and happily; you only get one chance at this.
Many people would do different things in their lives if they were not afraid and could not fail. I would peruse my dream career, that hey, I might just have one day. I would also stop the negativity, even though I've been trying to do that every day. Negatively comes from being afraid and being afraid to fail, two feelings I wish did not exist. But they do and we need to learn to deal with them the best we can. We cannot let fear run our lives. We must go out and get what we want and what is best for us.
So, now I ask you again. What would you do if you could not fail and were not afraid?
Be strong, be bold.
19 October 2012
you deserve the world
Sometimes being around other people really makes you learn a lot about yourself. I am very good at taking in what other people say, although using their advice or believing their words is not my forte. I have a lot of very different kinds of friends and always have. There is a lot to my personality and I like to think I can relate to all my friends in some way or another. But sometimes relating to your friends really makes you think twice about what you are doing, and if the choices you have made are correct and can help other people.
Recently, things have changed a lot for me; for the better that is. I am truly satisfied and happy with my life and the things going on throughout it. And although it has taken me this long to be fully content, I wish nothing more than my friends to feel the way I do right now and even better than this. I care for them so much that when they feel pain, I usually do too. So throughout my happiness, I encounter sadness too because I take my friend's feelings very closely to my heart.
Someone very close to me experiences things in her life that some will and some will not. She has been through a lot and although she has hit rock bottom more than once, she is still standing beautifully today. But as we conversed yesterday morning, I really learned about myself. Sometimes when you are trying so hard to do something, forget something or someone, learn from something or just enjoy the moment, you cannot. Some things have a way of not happening when you want them to, then hitting you at the last second of a moment you did not ever expect. I have been through this more than once, and someone very close to me just experienced it as well. But I did not stop to think about it until yesterday when she brought it up.
A quote from Perks of Being a Wallflower: "We except the love we think we deserve."
Along with the rest of the book, this is a great quote. And it is true. We except the love and many other things because we think that is all we deserve. But honestly, how many of us think we deserve everything? Sometimes it is hard to realize what we really do deserve and what things we are actually better than in our lives, because a lot of the time we are very modest. But should we be? I mean, to a point yes, but in all aspects?
I myself have never thought I deserved more than what I had and a lot of my friends feel the same way. But perhaps that is because of what we have been told, showed and experienced in our lives. But after these past few weeks, for me, and after only one night for my friend, we have learned that we DO deserve everything we can get our hands on. We have all struggled, worked hard and got through things maybe others have not or things we did not expect ourselves to get through, so give yourself a break and take what you deserve from life. Do not settle yourself short.
"Never settle for less than butterflies" is another great quote I have read. This shows that no matter what it is, do not settle for anything less than something that makes you so happy. I have really learned this the hard way. Always doing things for other people before myself, helping others when all I want is to be listened to, cherishing others more than myself and making others happy, even if that meant I was not. That is not good. I am a very selfless person, but sometimes, you need to be selfish in a way that makes you happy. Nothing is more important than your own happiness at the end of the day.
Realizing that you deserve great things is very hard for people to do most times. We never want to say, "you're/this is not good enough for me," but sometimes we think it. Next time that happens, push yourself farther and get what is good enough for you; get what you deserve. Settling for the safe things or things that made you happy at one point, but no longer fulfill your needs anymore, is no way to live. I have learned this and it makes me so happy to know someone close to me is finally learning it too.
Be strong, be bold.
Recently, things have changed a lot for me; for the better that is. I am truly satisfied and happy with my life and the things going on throughout it. And although it has taken me this long to be fully content, I wish nothing more than my friends to feel the way I do right now and even better than this. I care for them so much that when they feel pain, I usually do too. So throughout my happiness, I encounter sadness too because I take my friend's feelings very closely to my heart.
Someone very close to me experiences things in her life that some will and some will not. She has been through a lot and although she has hit rock bottom more than once, she is still standing beautifully today. But as we conversed yesterday morning, I really learned about myself. Sometimes when you are trying so hard to do something, forget something or someone, learn from something or just enjoy the moment, you cannot. Some things have a way of not happening when you want them to, then hitting you at the last second of a moment you did not ever expect. I have been through this more than once, and someone very close to me just experienced it as well. But I did not stop to think about it until yesterday when she brought it up.
A quote from Perks of Being a Wallflower: "We except the love we think we deserve."
Along with the rest of the book, this is a great quote. And it is true. We except the love and many other things because we think that is all we deserve. But honestly, how many of us think we deserve everything? Sometimes it is hard to realize what we really do deserve and what things we are actually better than in our lives, because a lot of the time we are very modest. But should we be? I mean, to a point yes, but in all aspects?
I myself have never thought I deserved more than what I had and a lot of my friends feel the same way. But perhaps that is because of what we have been told, showed and experienced in our lives. But after these past few weeks, for me, and after only one night for my friend, we have learned that we DO deserve everything we can get our hands on. We have all struggled, worked hard and got through things maybe others have not or things we did not expect ourselves to get through, so give yourself a break and take what you deserve from life. Do not settle yourself short.
"Never settle for less than butterflies" is another great quote I have read. This shows that no matter what it is, do not settle for anything less than something that makes you so happy. I have really learned this the hard way. Always doing things for other people before myself, helping others when all I want is to be listened to, cherishing others more than myself and making others happy, even if that meant I was not. That is not good. I am a very selfless person, but sometimes, you need to be selfish in a way that makes you happy. Nothing is more important than your own happiness at the end of the day.
Realizing that you deserve great things is very hard for people to do most times. We never want to say, "you're/this is not good enough for me," but sometimes we think it. Next time that happens, push yourself farther and get what is good enough for you; get what you deserve. Settling for the safe things or things that made you happy at one point, but no longer fulfill your needs anymore, is no way to live. I have learned this and it makes me so happy to know someone close to me is finally learning it too.
"A smile is the best makeup a girl could ever wear."
Be strong, be bold.
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