strength

As things begin to crumble, new things begin to build up. 
This is something I am quickly learning in my life. One bad thing does not mean everything else is bad and that nothing is ever going to get better...it means the opposite. When something bad happens to you, it is a test to see how hard you can push through and how positive you can be about the things in your life. I know that when negative things have happened to me, you dwell on them. But recently, I have found that if something is negative, you do not need it, so it was probably best it is gone now.
And, I have learned my strengths. 
I do not think there is such a thing as a weak person. I think different people have different tolerances for what they can handle and how they handle them; but I do not think there is full weakness. Everyone can be strong and is strong, it just takes time to find.
I know that I have not always been strong, and I hate to think back on that. I hate it because I know how strong I am. I know that I have gotten through some bad things: my parent's divorce, the loss of a best friend, people coming in and out of my life, being treated poorly and being mentally abused. I have gotten through ALL of those things and conquered them, making the person I am today.
I know how strong I am.

So why is our strength not shown everyday? Why is it that there are days that I will sit and cry about everything, and others when I can laugh them all off? Maybe it is apart of being a girl, I do not really know. But what I do know is that, everyone has strength. Everyone has times where they are so strong and other times where weakness shows. DO NOT doubt yourself at any time of the day, because that weakness that is showing is allowing you to build and become greater for yourself. You are finding out your limits and just what needs to happen to push you even farther into becoming a positive and strong minded person.

So, I have been reading a lot of fitness articles.
And as I am reading I find so many positive reinforcement things and what to do to fulfill a healthy body image. This is so hard for some people, myself included; it is one of my weaknesses. But lately, reading and doing the workouts has been helping me so much. I am dwelling less on every little flaw of my body, but looking at the whole picture. Honestly, ever since my full-length mirror shattered, I have felt better. The pressure of looking in that mirror everyday was mind numbing, could have been half the battle within myself. But I am feeling better, as a whole, every time I read and workout. I am striving and building myself up to be a better, more positive and self loving person, every single day that I work hard. I am learning to let go of the little things and move on; life will always go on. I am learning to smile and laugh more, not just because it is good for the body, but because it feels so good to be happy. "The Happiest Girls Are the Prettiest." And I am learning to surround myself with the things that I am going to benefit from.
I am finding my strengths.

Some positive things to do that help are:
Making a list of people you admire and why - really focusing on what you write
Remembering a time where you felt great about your body - closing your eyes and feeling that emotion
Writing down what you like about yourself - any little thing
Standing up tall and walking proud - slouching makes you feel worse
Exercising
Surrounding yourself with positive people  - someone that is going to make being around them, enjoyable.

These steps are extremely helpful for body image and feeling great about yourself. I know they seem dumb, but taking five minutes out of your day to do it, makes a world of difference. I know that everyone can find their strengths, just like I am.


 be strong, be bold.

well, so It has been awhile...which I do not like.

So I was sitting outside Kriner Dining Hall at a table, which, by the way, is a hike from my dorm room, and I was enjoying the sunshine. The sun was so bright I could not see my computer screen, which I was really annoyed about at first, so I closed it, put it away and just sat and soaked up some sun. It felt so good for some reason, better than the sun has ever felt on my skin and I did not really know why, until now.

I was happy. Happy to be there, happy to be alone and happy to be just...thinking...for once. There was nothing holding me back, nothing to disturb me and nothing in my way of the sun. It felt amazing.

So as I sat there and thought about earlier this week, today and the rest of my week yet to come, I had an epiphany. why am I not this happy all the time?!

Is it the cold weather that has been keeping me down? Has it been the fact that I am so hard on myself all the time? Has it been because I miss home? Or has it been because of my friends? Because all of these things, run through my head every second of every day (and it is hard to concentrate, believe me).

But for those 25 minutes that I sat at the table, baking in the sun and loving the breeze, none of it mattered. All I thought about was how happy I was and how I could not wait to share this sunshine with my boyfriend tomorrow and my family this weekend.

From now on, happiness is all I want to feel. I want to be positive, strong and capable of overcoming anything, like I know I am. I do not want to be around people who bring me down and cause me to hear tons of gossip or drama filled things that I, essentially, do not give a hoot about! I cannot tell you how much of my brain is filled with things I have heard from people that I do not care about, because it is worthless information to me, that is only there to bring me down.

I do not want to be brought down, any longer.

It is so hard to find great friends in this world, it really is. Trust is an issue with everyone and sometimes you just cannot seem to find someone compatible with who you really are, rather than someone you have been acting as lately. But I know who my real friends are and I cannot wait to see them when I go home this weekend. My family, my best friends back home are my life. They have never brought me down, but picked me up. They have never failed to be there for me day in and day out and they make me feel so special.

That, is what I want.  People that are going to help me as I help them and fill my life with happiness, not sadness or anger. Why would anyone want to surround themselves with anything less than that?

I know I do not want to do it anymore, I want what is best for me and what is going to make me smile every day, not something that is going to push me under the water, rather than pull me back up.

I refuse to sink, and nothing is going to make me do so.

be strong, be bold.