partake in this adventure.

I am getting amazing feedback from my blog, so thank you to everyone who is reading. I'm hear to help some one, make someone think, or just for something to read. :)


Today I am battling with the things that make me happy. I laid in bed, miserable, for no reason. I did not have just one pin-pointed reasoning to my sadness. That bothers me. Do you ever feel like that? Feeling like your sad and miserable for no specific reason? Because I do, and I don't like it at all.

so i let some music play
some music that made my mind wonder to different things. happiness. The Band Perry is one of my favorites because it gets me smiling or thinking about other topics, other than my own. That is always a great approach to try.

and i got a phone call
talking to my boyfriend, cheers me up 99.9% of them time. I have to be EXTREMELY down if he's not making me happy. That's what it took for my eyes to brighten, him. So call up someone you know will make you laugh, and i know, i have the funniest friends.

but after the distractions stop
remember it is only up to you to achieve happiness. Never rely on others because taking from my experiences, you get disappointed, and quickly. Happiness is key to life in my eyes, without it you're not "alive" or living your life the right way. So smile! Do something that makes you happy. Or, do what I do, write down your feelings. I started writing in my math notebook freshman year. Everything that was going on inside my head; a letter to myself. And then I found this, and I like it much more.

i hope that people can learn from the things i write and i hope it helps.


We are just people in this world. Fighting through the ashes and dust of confusion, making our path clear, and leaving a trail behind us. With what but not hearing laughter and giving smiles, is our path worth?

unspoken words

i just don't like it.

many things in life cannot be understood, changed, or explained, but we want them to be right? I know I want some things to change in my life, but some things are just better left unsaid. I'm dealing with that right now and it's frustrating, but better in the long run. Just stop worrying, take a breath and relax. Sit outside in the sun and just breathe in the air, clearing your thoughts. Nothing is worth making you crazy or sick over. And if it is, then it's not better left unsaid. But my situation is. 

It's hard to tell yourself to do the things you know are right, but your afraid. I know those feelings. I have knots in my stomach everyday and I force myself to stop, because it's not worth it.

Hi I'm Samm, and I'm a headcase.  
 nice to meet you. 
 

look back, and smile.

so much work to do, all the time. it's becoming cram weeks for school and I have no other worries but papers and work due on what days, plus my finals coming up. i cannot wait for sun, warm hair and breeze, money makin, and my boyfriend, alllll summer.

i want to be on the beach too.



so I get through my days by having life talks with myself, positive reinforcement. i tell myself how lucky i am to have the things that i have and for the people in my life. how proud i should be of myself for the accomplishments i have made and the person i have molded myself into, with a little bit of help of course. it is not always easy to be positive with yourself and believe me, it's not an every day thing for me. but im learning that it takes a lot of energy and insecurity to feel jealousy and degrade yourself daily. So then why do it? Because we're humans. it will never stop or end, but we can learn to control it in our lives. of course that green monster is going to come out in some occasions and on some days, but don't let it take over your life like it once had mine. and you're going to feel insecure somedays and feel like you're nothing on others. but just remember, that everyone is different and it is a good thing to be your own person and have your own mind. I want to reach out to everyone by saying, live to be different. live to laugh and love as much as you can. because one day, when you look back on your life, you'll be happy you learned to live it right.

watch over me

today i look up to the sky and remember you. all our amazing times together. the laughs, tears, stories, and life talks we've shared together. there is no one else like you, never will be, and  no one will ever fill the place you are in my heart.

best friends forever, in heaven or on earth.
my gardian angel <3
two years, too long.

my day today has been crazy. im exhausted everyday and i talked to myself for a good half hour about what my definition of "alive" is, after listening to Flyleaf's Fully Alive. and ive come to the conclusion, that in simpler terms, 'alive' to me is being able to smile. just because you want to, not because you saw something or someone made you. to be able to breathe. obviously being alive is you breathing and your body working. but i mean really breathing. breathing in positive air. not air full of mistakes, regrets, insecurities, sadness, horrible feelings, jealousy, etc. and to be able to dance and sing when you want, laugh till your stomach hurts and your cheeks hurt real bad. and love. love like you're not going to be here tomorrow and tell that person every single day, as many times as you want...like i do. i am not "fully alive" but im going to be :)

smooth sailing.

HUGE success on my first short story. I got the Literary Magazine that it was posted in today :) Everyone seems to love it that has read it. Which is such a confidence booster and a self esteem reassurance. Thank you to everyone who supports me :)

Sometimes reassurance is the helping hand I need to push me to my goals.

collage of minds.

I have learned about myself, clearly this time. My thoughts are all starting to come to order and make sense to me now. Last night could have been the first time, in a very long time, that I was completely happy and content. And it made me think, a lot.

no matter what you may think of yourself, or visualize what others may see, you are always going to be you. inside and out, quirks, judgments, humor, love, care, and insecurities. You will always be the only one to make the decisions, mistakes, and fight through the struggles. And most importantly, you are the one that matters the most. YOU make yourself happy and set yourself up for success, it's all on you.

I have realized how strong of a person I am. That I do have motivation and drive to do the things I want to do..because I'm doing them without even noticing. I am fighting off my own demons right now and succeeding greatly. I'm going to stop the worrying and  over thinking and just be so happy. Because I deserve just that. I deserve the real smiles and the butterflies in my stomach and the way my mouth and cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing so much.

and I deserve more
than average things and a plane and simple life. I am entitled to a beautiful life, and I'm going to partake in just that. What's the point of living if you can't enjoy and be happy right?




so keep your head up, stand tall and strong, and never let anyone tell you you're nothing; not even your own mind. Don't let temptation hold you back, or fear capture your mind. Things worth risking, involve a risk being taken. Never forget where your heart is and what makes you, you.
Leave the insecurities, regrets, flaws, and fears on the palette, and let the new colors of your mind rush together, creating something beautiful.

captured, in theory.

The brain is a fascinating machine we have in our bodies. Feelings, emotions, thoughts, movements, memories, all trapped into one mind. amazing.

except sometimes, I want to turn mine off.
the scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz didn't have one, so?

I want to be able to get out of my own mind. Escape what it's making me think and worry about constantly. Why do I do it then? I don't really know. But I'm tired of it all. Everything I worry about, cry about, stress about...it's all in my head. There is not one thing wrong with my relationship, so why do I over-think it constantly? I don't have to impress everyone in the world, as long as I'm happy right? So why am I so hung up on impressing my boyfriend? I. DO. NOT. KNOW.

So I'm trying new things.

I want to keep my mind busy on the important things, not the less important. I know people who don't stress and don't worry like I do...24/7. So why can't that be me?

it.can.

and I'm going to figure it out. I am a good person, a strong person. I am a great friend and an excellent girlfriend. I care so much about people and love the ones closest to me. So why think otherwise?
stand. up. tall. and. proud. of. yourself.
stop worrying about impressing others, when you should be impressing yourself. love yourself first, then worry about what others think of you and expect from you.
look your world in the face and say "I can do it. I'm not going to let my mind take over and let it win. My heart knows what's right and that I need to believe in myself. Because I AM special and I AM beautiful and I AM a great person." So start acting like it.
and do it now. today. you can.

a true gift

friends can be the best and worst things in your life. just because you're best friends with someone doesn't mean you don't have the ups and downs, the crying, yelling, or immaturity. but it also means that they are what gets you through the day, through your worst times, and through your best times.

i know mine mean the world to me and get me through the day. ;; when you have nothing else, you will always have a friend

 

after a long day of bad weather, stress, arguing, and venting, i am content. i have amazing people in my life and i will never be alone. i love you all

the troubles of a thinker

as your smile widens,
my heart skips a beat.
oh how you capture my gaze,
and knock me off my feet.

let's spend forever together,
but let's not move to fast,
keep smiling at me every day,
making these precious moments last.


something i wrote in history this morning (that class kills me) and my brain seems to wonder to my love frequently, i just can't help it.

I've been learning a lot lately, about myself, my life, my thoughts. I can't seem to leave the questions of "why am I not good at anything" but i'm starting to realize it takes more than talents to be the kind of person I am, and I am happy I am who I am most days. And giving up on yourself is never an option, ever. You have to push yourself to your limits before you can satisfy your needs and accomplishments. Sometimes, when you just want to give up and cry, you have to push forward and look beyond what's in front of you at the moment. You have to look beyond the troubles and misfortunes and misery, and look at your life as a whole. Would you give up anything? Change something? maybe. but in the long run, are you happy with what is happening and what you're becoming. Because if you're not, start. Believe in yourself when no one else will, you're the only one who can make decisions, judgements, and happiness for yourself. Without a brilliant mind, you have nothing but a motionless life.

           everyone is entitled to a beautiful life, so live it.

you hold your life, in your own hands.

stop worrying.

Never fret, just because someone is better than you at something, doesn't mean they're actually better than you. No one can take away who you really are. Your unique qualities, personality traits, and your talents. And just because your talents aren't shown through athletics, voice, or performance, doesn't mean you don't have any. Maybe it's just going to take some time to find what you're good at and what you can achieve. I myself have been going through a rough spot dealing with "Why am I not good at anything?" I'm surrounded by people who are either excellent athletes, singers, dancers, artists, or extremely intelligent or more than one thing at a time. I am a very average student, I can dance and sing, but nothing major and I used to play sports but I no longer do. Sitting around I thought to myself, "What makes me special? What makes me stand out and impress people?" As I thought about this topic some more, and talked to my other half, I realized I don't have to be good at all of these things to be a good person, or to be unique and stand out. I have my own way of doing all of that.

I am good at making people laugh, I have proven that I write well, I love to sing and dance, but if it's not the best thing in the world, so what right? I have a very strong and big personality that attracts people towards me and my sarcasm and not-taking-any-shit personality traits do well for me also.

I am a good person, friend, girlfriend, sister, daughter, niece, grand daughter, etc. I care so deeply for my friends and family that I will do anything just to make them happy. Even before myself. I feel others emotions and when my friends are sad, I'm sad too.

So just because I'm not a Lisa Leslie, or Christina Aug., or as beautiful as Angelina Jolie, or can dance like Ciara, doesn't mean that I'm not great too. I'm going to succeed in this life and further my intelligence and walk through this life with my head held high and impressing myself. Because that's all that matters.

I have my own issues of jealousy and worrying way to much, believe me. I am jealous for a lot of reasons and always want what others have, especially things they excel at. But I'm really trying to over come that. I just want to make myself happy, and show the ones around me, that I am special in my own way. I just want to 'wow' someone.
but my boyfriend thinks I'm great :)

So everyone needs to keep their heads up, smile, have self confidence, and learn to love themselves just they way they are. Because if you don't you're going to end up living a very stressful life, becoming something you're not..for other people. Just do you, and live your life your own way. You're going to impress someone someday with your mind and your drive, motivation, and perseverance...and by just being you. And that's what really counts.

Never doubt yourself.
"la vita e bella"
means "life is beautiful" and it is. So learn to live it beautifully, by being yourself.

salt.

as the wind whips through my hair
the scent of the ocean polluting the air
the waves crash down hard, rapid
i look around me, practically timid

i am alone, here, tonight
alone under the moon light
fear itself is looking me in the eyes
how content i am when no one can hear my cries.

the salt from my tear ducts, the same as the sea
burn down my cheeks, dancing with glee
the cold sand beneath my feet
reminds me that i will not serender to defete.

i will stand tall, smile, and rejoice,
for alone i am, but not without a voice
proudly my head will never hang
and i will remember the words i have once sang

"you are alive, alive and free
never let anyone take away
what you've gotten for free"



Just a little something i was inspired to write. About, just when you're feeling alone and like nothing will get better, remember who you are and the voice you have inside you. The proud and brave voice you have is always just a stepping stone away, you just have to be able to pull it back when you need it the most. "You are alive, alive and free; never let anyone take away, what you've gotten for free" are words i thought of when i was half asleep one night. i sang them to myself and when i woke up in the morning i tired my hardest to remember what I had said. In the middle of my day, the lyrics popped back into my head and I quickly wrote them down so I wouldn't forget again. It was, in a way, really powerful to me that I just sang these words out of no where because they go with my life so well. "Never let anyone take away, what you've gotten for free" are words that mean a great deal to me. All my life I let people take away parts of me and I let myself become something I'm not. Never will I ever let someone take advantage, degrade, or rip apart what I know, as myself.