you deserve the world

Sometimes being around other people really makes you learn a lot about yourself. I am very good at taking in what other people say, although using their advice or believing their words is not my forte. I have a lot of very different kinds of friends and always have. There is a lot to my personality and I like to think I can relate to all my friends in some way or another. But sometimes relating to your friends really makes you think twice about what you are doing, and if the choices you have made are correct and can help other people.

Recently, things have changed a lot for me; for the better that is. I am truly satisfied and happy with my life and the things going on throughout it. And although it has taken me this long to be fully content, I wish nothing more than my friends to feel the way I do right now and even better than this. I care for them so much that when they feel pain, I usually do too. So throughout my happiness, I encounter sadness too because I take my friend's feelings very closely to my heart.

Someone very close to me experiences things in her life that some will and some will not. She has been through a lot and although she has hit rock bottom more than once, she is still standing beautifully today. But as we conversed yesterday morning, I really learned about myself. Sometimes when you are trying so hard to do something, forget something or someone, learn from something or just enjoy the moment, you cannot. Some things have a way of not happening when you want them to, then hitting you at the last second of a moment you did not ever expect. I have been through this more than once, and someone very close to me just experienced it as well. But I did not stop to think about it until yesterday when she brought it up.

A quote from Perks of Being a Wallflower: "We except the love we think we deserve."
Along with the rest of the book, this is a great quote. And it is true. We except the love and many other things because we think that is all we deserve. But honestly, how many of us think we deserve everything? Sometimes it is hard to realize what we really do deserve and what things we are actually better than in our lives, because a lot of the time we are very modest. But should we be? I mean, to a point yes, but in all aspects?

I myself have never thought I deserved more than what I had and a lot of my friends feel the same way. But perhaps that is because of what we have been told, showed and experienced in our lives. But after these past few weeks, for me, and after only one night for my friend, we have learned that we DO deserve everything we can get our hands on. We have all struggled, worked hard and got through things maybe others have not or things we did not expect ourselves to get through, so give yourself a break and take what you deserve from life. Do not settle yourself short.

"Never settle for less than butterflies" is another great quote I have read. This shows that no matter what it is, do not settle for anything less than something that makes you so happy. I have really learned this the hard way. Always doing things for other people before myself, helping others when all I want is to be listened to, cherishing others more than myself and making others happy, even if that meant I was not. That is not good. I am a very selfless person, but sometimes, you need to be selfish in a way that makes you happy. Nothing is more important than your own happiness at the end of the day.

Realizing that you deserve great things is very hard for people to do most times. We never want to say, "you're/this is not good enough for me," but sometimes we think it. Next time that happens, push yourself farther and get what is good enough for you; get what you deserve. Settling for the safe things or things that made you happy at one point, but no longer fulfill your needs anymore, is no way to live. I have learned this and it makes me so happy to know someone close to me is finally learning it too.

"A smile is the best makeup a girl could ever wear."

Be strong, be bold.

like royalty

What if someone else had control over your life? What if you did not have the power to change what you wanted or make your own decisions? I feel like we complain so much about what is going on in our lives; negative things, bad decisions we have made, how many decisions we actually have to make and even some positive things too. But are we not lucky to have this power? This power to create our own lives for ourselves and live every day the way we want to? I think we are very blessed to have this virtue.

We make the changes in our lives when we want them to happen. I wrote in an earlier post that we must go along with the world, change and move forward; but that is not all we have to do. We have to think about what we have and appreciate all of it. There are so many people in this world that have less than what you have sitting on your couch right now. So many people struggle day in and day out and if we sit and complain about our lives and how things are not going well, what are we? Selfish, naive, negative people? You have the power in your life, no one else. So when something is wrong, change it. If you are not happy, find something that makes you happy and go for it. So many people stay stagnant for so long because they are safe or comfortable or they just do not understand that they have the power to make that change for themselves, no one else. 

This is something that is not written in manual, you cannot find it on Google, it is inside you. There is this amazing will power inside of you that makes you fight, work hard and push toward whatever goal it is that you want to achieve; but so many people do not know about it. I took me a very, very long time to find my inner strength. I have hit rock bottom with my inner self and nothing was harder than having to pull myself back up. I could not have done it without my friends, but in the end it was all me. Everyone has been in a situation where someone has told you that you were better than it, that you were making a mistake, but you did not hear it. This is because no matter what anyone says to you, at the end of the day, it is your decision to change and persevere. 

So the next time you are sitting around sulking in your own mess, worried about what is to come, fighting your battles and wondering what to do next, keep your head up. Because no one is going to be able to make those decisions for you, and that by itself, should be enough to keep you going. Who does not want all the power?

Be strong, be bold.

one foot in front of the other

Life is moving on around us, whether we like it or not.

Sometimes we don't notice the changes around us when they are not as obvious as we'd like. The leaves changing in Autumn, or the crisp cold air of Winter...we are not as observant with other changes. But the world is moving on and changing under our feet and we need to continue moving with it.

Staying positive is probably the best thing you could ever do for yourself. Keep moving with the world, do not look back on what happened yesterday or the day before...just don't. Nothing good comes from negativity from the past. You may look back on memories, good times or important things that have occurred, but being negative and moving forward does not mesh.

Also, keep changing. I don't care what anyone says, in some aspect, change is healthy and good. No one can be the same forever and nothing will ever remain the same forever; it is a part of life. Sometimes we need a change to open our minds wider. Or sometimes we need someone to make a change to fully understand the meaning of them in our lives. Change can be scary, but the world does it every day, so we have to keep moving and changing with it.

Look how much our society has changed over the years. We are seeing things that make us excited and other things that make us scared or mad; this is all apart of life and change. I like to think we work the same way. You start off liking one thing, then you move to another. You begin with an era of music and change to another. You wear certain clothing, then change to different styles. We change every year, sometimes every day, in ways no one notices. But it is all for the better.

Everyone deserves more than a stagnant world to live in.
So live, breathe, change, move forward and never look back and carry that negativity with you.

Be strong, be bold.

fresh start

The start of a new chapter, a new beginning.

Yesterday many things changed. My relationship that I have loved for over two years was ended for the better and I realized a lot about myself. Nothing is easy about a break up, ever. We had amazing times together and he taught me so much about myself, but I also learned things he could not teach me. I learned things that maybe he and others do not approve of; but that's the best part. The best part of it all is that this is my life, not anyone else's and I need to live for me.

I have been so strong throughout everything that has happened to me. I have been through more than almost all the 20-21 year old women I know, and I am proud to say I have overcome it all. But yesterday as I sat weighing out options and really thinking about what I want I realized something. I realized that what I want, is not set in stone. The things I want to do in my life are dreams, wishes and things that I want to accomplish, but they are not well-organized, set in stone or planned out for me to begin achieving. Now, some things, yes, I would like make a plan for...but I don't want everything to be a plan. I want to live spontaneously, travel to places on impulse, live my life day to day because why worry about the future, when it has not arrived yet.

We all sit around and worry too often. We worry about today's To Do list, tomorrow's exam, next weeks challenges, a few months down the road where we'll be, and the worst, years from now. Why should we be worrying about anything we cannot control in this very moment? I don't know where I am going to be in 2 years, hopefully working full time and doing what I love. But am I going to worry about the details of that now? No way. I am going to live in the now and enjoy every little thing that crosses my way. I want to open my eyes to what is out there, in front of me, and really soak up the beauty this world has to offer. And even if that means being on my own, with no man next to me, so be it. I have become a strong, independent woman and only I can make myself happy right now.

Opening a new chapter is always a little intimidating. It's like reading a book. Will you like this one as much as the last? Will you be satisfied with the outcome, the characters and the sequence of events? Will this chapter be the one to set up the climax of the full story?

I have opened new chapters before and they progressively have gotten better, so I am not all that scared this time. I have built up a strong foundation to carry myself and make sure I do not crumble. I have fought time and time again to gain strength, confidence and a high self esteem so that nothing will break me, even if I do fall.

Everything in life teaches you something. It is a learning experience every single day that we are living and nothing is ever the way you pictured it. But that's the fun in growing up. We are all so intimidated by age and growing up, but it's amazing how much we learn, experience, decide and live through.

I am finally proud of myself.

Be strong, be bold.

freedom

It has been awhile since I have really written my thoughts down. And although I only seem to write when I have a well-thought out vision in my head of what to say, I have been meaning to write for weeks.

This summer is coming to an end, quicker than I imagined it would. It is always a bittersweet ending; starting a new year of college and leaving behind yet another great summer. But this summer has been much different from all of the others in many ways. I have had a lot of time to sit and think about myself, my future, my present and my past and I have come to realize a lot about myself.

During my weeks and weeks of no summer work and no money to do anything, I became very self reliant. I have come to grips with the concept of caring for others so much, all the time, is quite painful and disappointing. I have learned more about my weaknesses and strengths than ever before and I am so happy for that. I found a fitness plan that really worked for me, and even though I didn't have the money to continue that plan, it made me so much stronger through my self-confidence and my confidence in accomplishing goals.

But mainly this summer, next to my new found motivation to be slim, I found something within myself that I thought I lost awhile ago. I have made some pretty bad choices growing up, some that I would change in a heart beat, but I've also done things and missed out on things I wish I could go back to. As I sat around this summer, pondering about my life, I realized I didn't feel like I was really living it. I have friends, a boyfriend and a great family. I do fun things, I go out, I laugh constantly and I smile. But up until recently, letting go of past things and relaxing about things that I cannot alter or fix anymore, has been a serious problem for me. I have always been an over-reactor, an over-thinker, a worrier and a head case. And although I still am a head case (which is why I blog) I am finally finding my way to freedom within myself.

Some things don't work out the way you want them to, fact.
You cannot change the past, so moving on is your only option, fact.
Worrying about things that do not matter will only give you premature wrinkles, fact.
Being free of all negative thoughts, people and situations will allow you to be happier, fact.

These are some things I've had to deal with and have finally figured out in my mind.
"Be Free" is a tattoo idea that I have been playing around with these last few weeks. I have always wanted a tattoo, so why not? I'm going to get one. I don't care if "everyone has one." I want something inspiring, to me, to show everyone.

And this phrase has been what I have been living by for around two weeks now. Be free of all the drama and negative tension between people and things. Be free of self-absorbing problems you find within yourself. Be free of the lack of confidence you hide within yourself and secretly worry about constantly. Be free of fear of the future and the fear of not being good enough, even to yourself. Be free of the grief and bitterness that is passing through your body from the past; it actually takes more energy to hold on. "Be Free" is what I am living by from now on. Do crazy things (to a point), laugh constantly and never let anyone tell you you're doing something in the wrong way or that you're living wrong. There is no "right way" to live; you just do it. So breathe in happiness and freedom and exhale negativity and old ways.

Be Free and start the life you always dreamed of living.

Be strong, be bold.

a special bond

I just finished the book The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Let me just say I have never felt every emotion all at once after reading a novel, but last night I did. This book puts a lot of things in perspective: life, death, afterlife and the important things. I am really glad my best friend lent it to me to read.

I am a happy girl. I can honestly say I have never said that with confidence before. The end of my senior year was probably the last time I was truly happy, with everything. I am always happy with my relationship, but now more than ever. I never was really happy with school, until I began attending ShipU. I have had my struggles with my family but once you leave home, you create a bond with them that is so tight, that you want to come home every day just to hear them talk and laugh. My friends, well, that has always been a constant battle for me, but right now, I can say I am happy with whom I have in my life. But lastly, myself. I have not  been happy with myself since, like I said, the end of my senior year where everything came together...a little too late. But right now, I am ecstatic. I am becoming thin and healthy, like I have always wanted (I am waking up at 6 a.m. to do so), I am smiling a lot more, like I have always needed and I am feeling great about myself inside and out, like I never knew I could. It feels amazing to prove yourself wrong.

Confidence is a mental bond between you and the outside world. There are people with too much of it, due to appreciation of others, compliments and ignorance-not to be confused with arrogance. The outside world plays such a huge part in how we see ourselves and honestly, that is scary to me. We all need to learn to let that go and live our own lives, not what others think is ideal.

 I believe that confidence is something learned, earned and vital to your mind. But up until recently there were very few things I was confident in; myself was not one of those things. Confidence sometimes intimidates and hurts the heart as well. I know that I have seen many people go throughout their days feeling confidence in everything they do, but not being good people. I have seen many people have no confidence at all in what they do and being extraordinary people. So do not let the mixture of confidence and insecurities mold your view of people; they are two enemies battling back and forth at each other. Sometimes one wins over the other but the problem is, once insecurity has won over your thought process, it is more of a battle to fight out of that mind set than anything else. So confidence, being the mental bond between yourself and the outside world, is what I like to call a demon. It can be so healthy, but it can be turned into ignorance and arrogance in a split second, destroying you. And insecurity can destroy you as well, which hurts a lot more.

Right now, confidence is one of the best things I have ever felt at the moment. Not walking around hiding who you are, inside and out. Not thinking less of yourself for any reason and really conquering your inner negative thoughts. And finally, feeling like you can do anything.

My writing has always been the way I could escape from everything that was going on. It has always been the only thing to free my mind of its constant scramble of insecurity and negativity; I could never have a second to myself to just think of something positive before. My brain has always been going, 24/7 in every different direction. But right now, it is not. Focusing on what I am writing has always been a thing I was very good at. It's like, my brain takes a few minutes and just stops. It jumps from inside my scull to my hands and lets me write my inner most thoughts in a way that inspires, helps and explains what my verbal skills cannot. I have always had confidence in my writing because up until a year or so ago, I never let anyone read what I wrote. But now, I am the Opinion Editor at ShipU. I am an intern journalist/photographer at the Blue Valley Times newspaper, I am an avid blogger and take such joy in people reading what I post. This is all from confidence, which is not my demon, but my savior.

Last night, after finishing the novel by John Green, I did not know what to do with myself. I sat staring at the ceiling almost feeling helpless in my mind. But as I was totally zoned out in my emotions and thoughts, I thought to myself: you know what the real challenge in life is? What is so challenging for me? To finally figure out why you are here. To see the beauty in things and take a second to cherish what you have. To realize, deep down, what your demons are and fix them....all these things are such troubles for people and I am proud to say that I am finding the answers to these common troubles, every day.

Confidence can be a demon or it can be a savior, like it is for myself. Insecurity is my inner most demon that brings along fear. I do not want to be afraid anymore, which of course is inevitable. But instead of running from the things that scare me, I am running toward them because that is where I am going to get the most out of my life.


Be strong, be bold
and finally, be you

post workout

After a intense workout, looking like a sweaty, hot mess, my body aching...what is a better inspirational time to write than now? This is a perfect time for me to reflect my thoughts and let everything out. I have been writing in my journal a lot more frequently than on here but I sat here thinking, people cannot read my journal and take advice and inspiration from it! So here I am, back in action. I have been so caught up in actually LIVING my life that writing on the internet took a back burner. But I have been writing frequently. But no stress, I am back.

So I stumbled upon a workout website called bodyrock.tv. These are workouts posted every day that only use body weight and some equipment you can buy online. Although, she gives alternative exercises to the ones she uses with equipment for the people who do not want to purchase the weights, which is great. The woman doing the workouts is about as intense as you could get as a female. This always inspires and intimidates me; though I am not intimidated easily at all. Her name is Lisa and within a few hours of reading and watching her workouts, I became inspired. People who take the time out of their day to post inspirational and motivational words, place workouts on the web for the results we all want FOR FREE and to be so motivated in her own health and fitness, is something I would like to see more of in the world. But anyway, I looked at her workouts last night and earlier today, and to say the least, I was quite intrigued. It looked hard and I will admit, I did not think I could do it.

So I got down in my basement and started putting together homemade strength equipment because obviously, I do not own a gym nor do I own weights. So substituting her sand bag, I packed a duffle-bag with towels and newspapers for weight; this worked perfectly. I also used my mom's old motorcycle helmet in use of something to swing between my legs like a kettle bell weight. Before becoming crafty with my substitutions, I really thought I was going to have to do everything in Lisa's alternative workouts; but I did not want to have to do that. So no matter what you may have and do not have, you can always find things around the house to substitute, believe me.

So, back to my workout. It is 50 seconds on, 10 seconds off, four exercises, three times each. Now this does not sound too bad does it? Have you ever done one thing for 50 seconds continuously? I bet not. Let me tell you something, it is hard as hell. From not working out at school for a few months now, my arm strength is minimal, and it definitely showed today. I got through half of the workout and I am not ashamed to admit that. I pushed myself harder than I have in a long time, and I am proud to say I did that. I took the initiative to come down to my basement at 8 p.m. and workout when I could have been enjoying a movie; I am also proud to say I did that. I have motivational issues; I can freely admit. I am good at giving others advice, but poorly at taking my own. But tonight I proved myself wrong. I DID do the workout, whether I did half or not, I still DID IT. I DID NOT back down from the challenge and I did my very best. I am proud of myself tonight.

I want everyone to know that it is never all right to discourage yourself; I also suffer from this problem. It is one of my many flaws, but I can honestly say that I am doing great with it and I have come a long way. It is never okay to finally motivate yourself to do something, then feel mad at yourself for not making it last long enough or complete everything you were supposed to. If your body only allows you 20 minutes a day of working out, that is more than you did yesterday, so be proud of yourself. You do not need to work out 3 hours a day to feel satisfied; quality over quantity every time. I just did a 6 minute and some odd second workout and I felt like I ran for over an hour. THAT is something to be proud of and something worth doing. If this gets me the body I want, I will be glad to bust my legs, back, abs, arms and back every day for 12 minutes until I get it. Never discourage or put yourself down for something you cannot really control. Let your body tell you what it needs and how much it can take, not your self esteem or poor vision of yourself.

Be strong, be bold.


And another thing, strive to do your best. Go into your task saying you are going to do the very most you can and that you are going to push yourself. Never slug on by thinking you will still get the best out of everything, because you will not.

soak it in

As I sit at the kitchen table, decorating the mug I bought for my mom at Starbucks that you can write on and bake, at almost 1 a.m. in the morning, many things are going through my mind.

I am so happy to see my boyfriend succeeding in every little thing he does. He makes me so proud every single day and he always pushes me to succeed and be the best that I can be also. He is such an inspiration to me and I love him very much.

Another thing is, today, technically, is Mother's Day. This is a great holiday in my eyes because not only should moms be appreciated every day, but they are sometimes overlooked. Mother's Day makes everyone really look at their moms or remember their moms and appreciate what they have/had. I know that I should thank my mom every day and I know I have been a lot nicer and more appreciative of the things she does for me as I get older. My mom is my hero. She has had nothing and still made things work and never seemed worried. I have seen her in bad times and good times, but she always remains strong and always figures it out. She is also an inspiration to me, in my life, because of my goals and dreams that I have. My mom is my biggest fan, no doubt about that, and I love that about her. I am so grateful to have someone's support 24/7. There is a new commercial on television that I just recently saw and the quote was "It is the hardest job in the world and the best job in the world." No doubt is being a mom the hardest job. I see it with my sister, the parents of the children I baby sit and with my own mom; but it is worth it to them, and that's what makes them great mother's. So happy Mother's day mom! You are seriously, the best.

So other than that, it's summer time! Finally. This summer, for work, I am surrounded by kids. I spend time with my nephews, obviously, but I have two other jobs. I baby sit a 3-year-old girl and a 19-month-old boy on Wednesday evenings and a 2 years, 8-month-old special needs boy four days a week. It is a lot to handle, but I am feeling great about it. Colton is a special needs child and requires a lot of attention and time. At first, I doubted myself. But I have only spent two days with him and all ready want to help him learn and do more for himself. I feel so sorry for him and his family, but the conditions he has he cannot help, so he must learn to deal with them. I want to help Colton as much as I can and try to teach him things. It is a great experience to work with such a wonderful boy, who although has troubles, has a great heart and can still live a good life. I do not want his life to be wasted or overlooked just because he has special needs. He is a person too and after working with someone of special needs, you really begin to realize this more than you did before. It is a great feeling.

This summer is going to be a learning experience for me in every way. Working with children, interning at the local newspaper and really finding who I am and where I want to go in life is what I will be working on. I am learning to let a lot of things go and not stressing out too easily. I am learning that most people are not worth fighting for and if they are, you'll know it. I am learning that eating healthy and as much as I need, instead of over-eating, is not as hard as it seems; you just must be determined.

You can never learn too much and I intend on learning everything I can this summer to better myself for the years to come. Not only do I have the best support system and a mind that is getting stronger and better every day, but I have the best life coach there is for me and he will never let me fail. He pushes me to be something better every day and I do not know where I would be without him.

As a lesson learned to all of you, try everything, experience things you are afraid of failing at and do not worry so often, you will benefit from it all.

Be strong, be bold.

never grow up

I'm moving out of the dorm tomorrow at 3 p.m. My sophomore year in college will be over then, and I am not sad. I know that the best things that are going to happen in my life are yet to come. I have had great opportunities and I have learned a lot this year, but I am just happy that it is all going to continue.

Growing up can be scary, but I think it is really exhilarating also. I may not be ready for the challenges my life has in store for me, but I am ready to fight through them and be around the people that have proven to me that they love me for me. The hardest part of growing up is this:

- finding out who you are
- finding real friends who will not leave you
- having real priorities. 


Making friends is easy. Anyone can hang out with anyone and have someone to talk to daily. But I am picky when it comes to friends because I have been hurt, left behind, betrayed and disappointed too many times to count over the past years. Those who I have thought were my best friends ended up as people I do not want to be around. I sat here earlier today looking at pictures and becoming sad about what I have lost, but then I realized, I have not lost anything, they have. I will do whatever it takes to make my friends happy. I love my friends more than anything and if they cannot repay that, then they are not worth it to me.

You meet people at every stage of your life, but it all depends on how you handle them at that time. I am becoming the strongest I have ever been, so I have no tolerance for immaturity, lies, cattiness and negativity. I want people in my life who enjoy life, love to sing and dance and sit and life talk for hours. Friends that will be there for me no matter what, because I will always be there for them. But finding perfect friends like that, is a challenge that maybe I was not ready for.

That, to me, is the hardest part about growing up.


So I should not be upset about losing people in my life because I always gain. I have met wonderful guys here that cherish time with Greg and I and I appreciate every one of them. And I have met great girls that I know I can count on. My best friends from home would not leave me for anything, and that's what means a lot to me, the dedication.

Sometimes, learning from mistakes is for the best. But it would be a little easier if people were nicer and more genuine. I do not know who raised these people, but my mom never raised me to act like that and to be a bad friend. Because let's face it, when it comes down to it, we all need a good friend. And for those of you who lie and get bored and drop friends, you will need a good friend one day too, remember that.

I am blessed to have my boyfriend as my best friend.

Growing up is hard. The challenge is there to take, or to ignore. I just hope you think about this the next time you are bored with someone or decide the person is not "good enough" for you. That one day, you are going to need someone strong by your side to help you. But it will not be me.

the strangest secret

After reading an inspiring book two nights ago off my kindle, i began to think differently, instantly. I know you are probably like, "that does not happen instantly, believe me I have tried," so I know what you are saying because I have been trying to think differently for a long time. But sometimes, just a little something you read or see can change your whole outlook on things. Reading inspirational books and watching videos of the sort occupies a lot of my boyfriend's time at night. He has really gotten into the psychology of things and moving forward in a positive way. If he had not gotten captured by this "positive outlook" way of life, I do not think I would be doing very well right now. Being away from home is so hard for me because I am so close with my family. Making friends, and I do not mean just people you can talk to every day, I mean best friends, is hard for me because I am let down a lot, have been let down a lot in life and have trust issues. No one is who they say they are, and that just bluntly sucks. So without him, positive things are hard to come by honestly.

Now, about this book. It is called "The Strangest Secret" and it was written in the 1950's. This short book, only about 60 something pages, was just what I needed for a wake-up call. It talked about the definition of success and how people perceive it negatively or wrongly. Success is not making a lot of money. Being successful is not made out of someone being extremely wealthy, but how people get to that point. It is about the love someone has for what they are doing and accomplishing. Money means nothing and ironically, it means everything in this world. Society has become so accustomed to wanting and needing everything that costs money, that successful people are the millionaires. My parents may have not made a lot of money in their lives, but I can say to you that I believe my mom is a successful person. She may not LOVE to drive into work everyday but she loves what she does and would rather be there than anywhere else. My mom has made a living for herself, me and my brother for the past six years and she stays strong and smart along the way. That is her success. Staying strong, becoming the best mother to me and my siblings and living her life along the way; it has nothing to do with what is in her bank account, we are just fine.

I keep ranting. Anyway, this book has made me think of things more clearly and more directly. The 30-day-challenge in this book is something you do every single day, for 30 days. You write down a goal, which is super important if you want to strive and achieve something of greatness, and look at it twice a day. You must maintain positive and fulfilling thoughts about yourself and this goal and if you choose to stray away from that, you must start at day 1, all over again. This challenge is really going to help me in life and I believe I will use it in many ways. Right now, since I am still a college student, life goals are not going to be on my paper that I read daily. I am going to start small, with the thing I want most right now. And that is to be fit and have my self-confidence rise to a point where I am genuinely happy with myself, no if, and's or buts. I am going to start this goal the day I get home from school for the summer and really stick to it. This is among many ways you can achieve goals positively.

Everyone should read inspirational things, even if you think they will not affect you. I have been through a lot in my 20 years of living and writing here in my blog is very helpful to me. I love to write things that people can read and interpret in a way that is helpful to their lives.

Be strong, be bold.

do not waist

we all need to pick our heads up and walk tall.
I may have learned this the hard way and still do not follow through with it all the time, but I believe in it 100 percent. Nothing should bring you down so much that it alters your life, nothing. I have battled so much and let so much hang over my head or sit on my shoulders; i refuse to cower any longer. Nothing is worth the struggle of trying to pull yourself back up from the lowest point, nothing. I have learned so much about myself in the past year being away at school, that I find it hard to believe. I have met people who have changed how I view things and I have let go of some who only brought me down. This is all a learning experience that I will forever remember. I have taken on responsibilities that will make me grow as a person and I have dealt with things that I will never forget.

The quote that I really love is "some people are so poor, all they have is money."
this honestly would not have had any meaning to me before now. Life is about choices, seizing the day, believing in yourself, loving, laughing and really living. Just breathing and going on with the day, is not life; it is but waisting away.

No matter who walks in or walks out of your life, find your own way.
No matter what happens during the day, fall asleep happy.
As long as you have things to be thankful for, never wish anything different of your life.
Believe in each day that you enter and live your life fully.
Selfishness is not a way to make yourself happy, it ruins you in the long run.
Have friends, but do not count on them for everything.
Love a lot, because it really conquers all.

Be strong, be bold.

and true, the visions hazy

Coming out of the best weekend I have had with friends in awhile, today has been a pretty good Monday also! Even though I could not get out of bed this morning, it has been productive and an all around happy day!

I am really realizing how happy I am with the direction my life is going in. I am becoming less tolerant of things, which I find great, because that means I deal with less things that I do not want to be dealing with! I am letting go and seeing life through the eyes of someone who is strong and happy; instead of someone who is upset with herself all day long and who does not know what she is living for. Finding out what I want, even though it is happening slowly, is a great feeling.

I know that the newspaper is where I am supposed to be. I love working for it, writing and editing. The people on The Slate staff are so helpful, encouraging and just great to be around. We went to D.C. this past Saturday to see the Newseum and it was just filled with laughs and good times, even though we all sat down to have a good cry over the 9/11 exhibit haha. Things with the paper are going so well and I hope to continue with it for as long as I am here at Ship. Tomorrow my application is due for the Opinion Editor position (I am the asst. now) so, wish me luck on getting the bump up! I really love what I do and I hope one day I get a successful job that I enjoy this much. Because, as Greg taught me, it is all about loving what you do, every day. Loving your career is what is most important to a happy and prosperous life. And I enjoy every second of writing and being apart of a news team.

So other than my major choice and career plan (kinda), things are just going great. I am keeping up with eating well, going to the gym and feeling better about myself also. I am keeping my head up and enjoying my time in college, but remaining myself in the process. I feel as though a lot of people lose sense of who they are once around different people and different atmospheres. But I know who I am and who I want to grow to be and I will never let anyone get in the way of that. My friends and family back home and my friends whom I have here at Ship are helping me every step of the way, supporting me and believing in what I can do. All of that is so appreciated. I would not make it through without all of them.

As I have time to sit and think, by myself for once, I realize more and more that things happen to help you get through harder things in life. You learn so much from what you have been through and every day that you experience more things. You can never know enough and you can never lose room to grow. My personality, tolerance levels, character and mind are growing every day and experiencing new things all the time. All the things that have brought me down earlier in life, have only brought me farther up today. Up until recently I have regretted so much that I have done. All the bad choices I have made, people I have hurt in the past and the ill feelings I have felt for others. But I will not regret anymore. Because I have learned that holding onto regrets is still holding on to those awful feelings and memories that need to be let go, so I can grow and move on.

So, consider them let go.
I am going to live for me. To impress myself, make my family proud and be the best friend that I possibly can. Growing up a very unselfish and caring person does wonders for someone, and I have my parents to thank for that. They molded my character into someone that I can honestly say I am proud of. I stick up for myself, back down from nothing and walk with my head up. Each day I get stronger and I have many to thank for that...including myself. I am stronger and a better person than I give myself credit for, but I finally understand.


Thank you to everyone.

Be strong, be bold.

strength

As things begin to crumble, new things begin to build up. 
This is something I am quickly learning in my life. One bad thing does not mean everything else is bad and that nothing is ever going to get better...it means the opposite. When something bad happens to you, it is a test to see how hard you can push through and how positive you can be about the things in your life. I know that when negative things have happened to me, you dwell on them. But recently, I have found that if something is negative, you do not need it, so it was probably best it is gone now.
And, I have learned my strengths. 
I do not think there is such a thing as a weak person. I think different people have different tolerances for what they can handle and how they handle them; but I do not think there is full weakness. Everyone can be strong and is strong, it just takes time to find.
I know that I have not always been strong, and I hate to think back on that. I hate it because I know how strong I am. I know that I have gotten through some bad things: my parent's divorce, the loss of a best friend, people coming in and out of my life, being treated poorly and being mentally abused. I have gotten through ALL of those things and conquered them, making the person I am today.
I know how strong I am.

So why is our strength not shown everyday? Why is it that there are days that I will sit and cry about everything, and others when I can laugh them all off? Maybe it is apart of being a girl, I do not really know. But what I do know is that, everyone has strength. Everyone has times where they are so strong and other times where weakness shows. DO NOT doubt yourself at any time of the day, because that weakness that is showing is allowing you to build and become greater for yourself. You are finding out your limits and just what needs to happen to push you even farther into becoming a positive and strong minded person.

So, I have been reading a lot of fitness articles.
And as I am reading I find so many positive reinforcement things and what to do to fulfill a healthy body image. This is so hard for some people, myself included; it is one of my weaknesses. But lately, reading and doing the workouts has been helping me so much. I am dwelling less on every little flaw of my body, but looking at the whole picture. Honestly, ever since my full-length mirror shattered, I have felt better. The pressure of looking in that mirror everyday was mind numbing, could have been half the battle within myself. But I am feeling better, as a whole, every time I read and workout. I am striving and building myself up to be a better, more positive and self loving person, every single day that I work hard. I am learning to let go of the little things and move on; life will always go on. I am learning to smile and laugh more, not just because it is good for the body, but because it feels so good to be happy. "The Happiest Girls Are the Prettiest." And I am learning to surround myself with the things that I am going to benefit from.
I am finding my strengths.

Some positive things to do that help are:
Making a list of people you admire and why - really focusing on what you write
Remembering a time where you felt great about your body - closing your eyes and feeling that emotion
Writing down what you like about yourself - any little thing
Standing up tall and walking proud - slouching makes you feel worse
Exercising
Surrounding yourself with positive people  - someone that is going to make being around them, enjoyable.

These steps are extremely helpful for body image and feeling great about yourself. I know they seem dumb, but taking five minutes out of your day to do it, makes a world of difference. I know that everyone can find their strengths, just like I am.


 be strong, be bold.

well, so It has been awhile...which I do not like.

So I was sitting outside Kriner Dining Hall at a table, which, by the way, is a hike from my dorm room, and I was enjoying the sunshine. The sun was so bright I could not see my computer screen, which I was really annoyed about at first, so I closed it, put it away and just sat and soaked up some sun. It felt so good for some reason, better than the sun has ever felt on my skin and I did not really know why, until now.

I was happy. Happy to be there, happy to be alone and happy to be just...thinking...for once. There was nothing holding me back, nothing to disturb me and nothing in my way of the sun. It felt amazing.

So as I sat there and thought about earlier this week, today and the rest of my week yet to come, I had an epiphany. why am I not this happy all the time?!

Is it the cold weather that has been keeping me down? Has it been the fact that I am so hard on myself all the time? Has it been because I miss home? Or has it been because of my friends? Because all of these things, run through my head every second of every day (and it is hard to concentrate, believe me).

But for those 25 minutes that I sat at the table, baking in the sun and loving the breeze, none of it mattered. All I thought about was how happy I was and how I could not wait to share this sunshine with my boyfriend tomorrow and my family this weekend.

From now on, happiness is all I want to feel. I want to be positive, strong and capable of overcoming anything, like I know I am. I do not want to be around people who bring me down and cause me to hear tons of gossip or drama filled things that I, essentially, do not give a hoot about! I cannot tell you how much of my brain is filled with things I have heard from people that I do not care about, because it is worthless information to me, that is only there to bring me down.

I do not want to be brought down, any longer.

It is so hard to find great friends in this world, it really is. Trust is an issue with everyone and sometimes you just cannot seem to find someone compatible with who you really are, rather than someone you have been acting as lately. But I know who my real friends are and I cannot wait to see them when I go home this weekend. My family, my best friends back home are my life. They have never brought me down, but picked me up. They have never failed to be there for me day in and day out and they make me feel so special.

That, is what I want.  People that are going to help me as I help them and fill my life with happiness, not sadness or anger. Why would anyone want to surround themselves with anything less than that?

I know I do not want to do it anymore, I want what is best for me and what is going to make me smile every day, not something that is going to push me under the water, rather than pull me back up.

I refuse to sink, and nothing is going to make me do so.

be strong, be bold. 

look through different eyes.

you learn something new every day 


this is very much true in my life. in each and every day I experience new things, deal with new problems or road blocks and learn something new. 


This weekend, compromise was the topic on hand. 
        Fighting seems so bad, but sometimes, it is just what you need to fix things. I have learned that compromising is a huge part of life. There are always things that are going to come up that you do not want to do, like going to class, hanging out with some people you just are not fond of or figuring out what is most important to you, and compromising your priorities. It is a life lesson to me. I am thankful now that my relationship with my boyfriend will have more of it, rather than more fights (that we hate). I realize more every day that life is a learning experience.


I think learning from every situation and experience you are given is so important. Every new friend I make, teaches me something about myself or even just life.  Every hard decision I have to make or every stressful day I have, I learn something more about myself and how to handle myself. 


The meaning of life is not clear. It is not written down for us on paper, it is not taught to us by our parents; it is created and made from our minds, experiences and hearts. I never knew what I wanted to do with my life, who I wanted to help, inspire or make happy. I never thought of anything less than having a lot of money and having everything, just because I could. Because isn't that what everyone sees? Money, fame, lights, the perfect life?
but whose perfect life is that? Yours? Or what society has illustrated for you?


I think that as we grow and see new things, the meaning of our lives becomes more clear. Do I think we'll ever know it 100 percent? No. But I do think that having a grasp on what is important to you, will benefit your life.


So with each day, learn. Realize that money, fortune, being better than everyone and being selfish are not things we all should be or be striving for. Learn to love what you have and live to be happy, nothing less. Sometimes, taking a step back and realizing all the things you wanted, are a cliche modernized dream...is what everyone needs.

Keep running

What do you do when love isn't enough? When you can love someone until your heart hurts, but this world just won't let you be together? This, of course, isn't about me. But I'm very close to two people who are dealing with this right now and I'm the one sitting here crying over it. What hurts my family, hurts me.

family is forever first.


This world is a big, scary place. There are endless amounts of doors to open, to close and even sometimes run full speed into, without it giving in, even a tiny bit. I believe in running in any direction you can to get what you want in life. Whether that means running the opposite direction of where everyone else is going...you have to do it if it's what you want. I have always felt closed in and trapped, not within the walls of my home or anything like that, but actually, within myself. I'm just starting to learn that life doesn't go as slowly as we feel, day-to-day. It goes really fast and we won't ever catch up if we're not really living.

Running can be really scary, and I'm sure it's a lot better when you're holding the hand of someone you love, pulling them along with you, smiling. But what if that person isn't always there to hold your hand? What if that person is so far away you seem to forget what they look like until you close your eyes for that split second and remember them? I can't imagine going through this, but what do you do? I guess we're just supposed to pick up and run? Go do the things you love, if you can't be with the one you love? That seems insane.  But maybe we should all be thinking, not right now, but maybe later you can have each other again? I know that seems to only happen in love stories, but, I'm choosing to say that you should live like a love story. Run around, play, laugh, smile and live with one another. And then when he's gone, unlike the movies where they fall into depression because someone is with another person, keep living. They will find their way back to you and love you for the choices you have made. I may be just rambling, but I'm trying to make a point.

Life usually doesn't go the way you want it to. And if it does, that means you worked so hard, went through so many obstacles you didn't want to go through, just to achieve it. Apart of life is going through the struggles and saying "I did it."

When you grow up, you do everything with your friends. You stay up all night talking on the phone, a.i.m and telling them every little detail of your day and of your life. But as you get older you start to realize that you have yourself to rely on, not really anyone else. You only have one mind, so use it to its full potential. You only have on body, so take care of it by eating healthy and exercising. You only have one life, so live, laugh, love, rejoice and breathe in good things and out with the bad. You have control of your life, for the most part, so live it.

Run with what you have, with the knowledge you have gained and the experiences you have overcome; it only takes one wrong turn to set your path off course, but a hundred right turns to get you to what you really want in life. Never stop running, never stop wanting more.

Be strong, be bold.