well, so It has been awhile...which I do not like.

So I was sitting outside Kriner Dining Hall at a table, which, by the way, is a hike from my dorm room, and I was enjoying the sunshine. The sun was so bright I could not see my computer screen, which I was really annoyed about at first, so I closed it, put it away and just sat and soaked up some sun. It felt so good for some reason, better than the sun has ever felt on my skin and I did not really know why, until now.

I was happy. Happy to be there, happy to be alone and happy to be just...thinking...for once. There was nothing holding me back, nothing to disturb me and nothing in my way of the sun. It felt amazing.

So as I sat there and thought about earlier this week, today and the rest of my week yet to come, I had an epiphany. why am I not this happy all the time?!

Is it the cold weather that has been keeping me down? Has it been the fact that I am so hard on myself all the time? Has it been because I miss home? Or has it been because of my friends? Because all of these things, run through my head every second of every day (and it is hard to concentrate, believe me).

But for those 25 minutes that I sat at the table, baking in the sun and loving the breeze, none of it mattered. All I thought about was how happy I was and how I could not wait to share this sunshine with my boyfriend tomorrow and my family this weekend.

From now on, happiness is all I want to feel. I want to be positive, strong and capable of overcoming anything, like I know I am. I do not want to be around people who bring me down and cause me to hear tons of gossip or drama filled things that I, essentially, do not give a hoot about! I cannot tell you how much of my brain is filled with things I have heard from people that I do not care about, because it is worthless information to me, that is only there to bring me down.

I do not want to be brought down, any longer.

It is so hard to find great friends in this world, it really is. Trust is an issue with everyone and sometimes you just cannot seem to find someone compatible with who you really are, rather than someone you have been acting as lately. But I know who my real friends are and I cannot wait to see them when I go home this weekend. My family, my best friends back home are my life. They have never brought me down, but picked me up. They have never failed to be there for me day in and day out and they make me feel so special.

That, is what I want.  People that are going to help me as I help them and fill my life with happiness, not sadness or anger. Why would anyone want to surround themselves with anything less than that?

I know I do not want to do it anymore, I want what is best for me and what is going to make me smile every day, not something that is going to push me under the water, rather than pull me back up.

I refuse to sink, and nothing is going to make me do so.

be strong, be bold.