the troubles of a thinker

as your smile widens,
my heart skips a beat.
oh how you capture my gaze,
and knock me off my feet.

let's spend forever together,
but let's not move to fast,
keep smiling at me every day,
making these precious moments last.


something i wrote in history this morning (that class kills me) and my brain seems to wonder to my love frequently, i just can't help it.

I've been learning a lot lately, about myself, my life, my thoughts. I can't seem to leave the questions of "why am I not good at anything" but i'm starting to realize it takes more than talents to be the kind of person I am, and I am happy I am who I am most days. And giving up on yourself is never an option, ever. You have to push yourself to your limits before you can satisfy your needs and accomplishments. Sometimes, when you just want to give up and cry, you have to push forward and look beyond what's in front of you at the moment. You have to look beyond the troubles and misfortunes and misery, and look at your life as a whole. Would you give up anything? Change something? maybe. but in the long run, are you happy with what is happening and what you're becoming. Because if you're not, start. Believe in yourself when no one else will, you're the only one who can make decisions, judgements, and happiness for yourself. Without a brilliant mind, you have nothing but a motionless life.

           everyone is entitled to a beautiful life, so live it.

you hold your life, in your own hands.

stop worrying.

Never fret, just because someone is better than you at something, doesn't mean they're actually better than you. No one can take away who you really are. Your unique qualities, personality traits, and your talents. And just because your talents aren't shown through athletics, voice, or performance, doesn't mean you don't have any. Maybe it's just going to take some time to find what you're good at and what you can achieve. I myself have been going through a rough spot dealing with "Why am I not good at anything?" I'm surrounded by people who are either excellent athletes, singers, dancers, artists, or extremely intelligent or more than one thing at a time. I am a very average student, I can dance and sing, but nothing major and I used to play sports but I no longer do. Sitting around I thought to myself, "What makes me special? What makes me stand out and impress people?" As I thought about this topic some more, and talked to my other half, I realized I don't have to be good at all of these things to be a good person, or to be unique and stand out. I have my own way of doing all of that.

I am good at making people laugh, I have proven that I write well, I love to sing and dance, but if it's not the best thing in the world, so what right? I have a very strong and big personality that attracts people towards me and my sarcasm and not-taking-any-shit personality traits do well for me also.

I am a good person, friend, girlfriend, sister, daughter, niece, grand daughter, etc. I care so deeply for my friends and family that I will do anything just to make them happy. Even before myself. I feel others emotions and when my friends are sad, I'm sad too.

So just because I'm not a Lisa Leslie, or Christina Aug., or as beautiful as Angelina Jolie, or can dance like Ciara, doesn't mean that I'm not great too. I'm going to succeed in this life and further my intelligence and walk through this life with my head held high and impressing myself. Because that's all that matters.

I have my own issues of jealousy and worrying way to much, believe me. I am jealous for a lot of reasons and always want what others have, especially things they excel at. But I'm really trying to over come that. I just want to make myself happy, and show the ones around me, that I am special in my own way. I just want to 'wow' someone.
but my boyfriend thinks I'm great :)

So everyone needs to keep their heads up, smile, have self confidence, and learn to love themselves just they way they are. Because if you don't you're going to end up living a very stressful life, becoming something you're not..for other people. Just do you, and live your life your own way. You're going to impress someone someday with your mind and your drive, motivation, and perseverance...and by just being you. And that's what really counts.

Never doubt yourself.
"la vita e bella"
means "life is beautiful" and it is. So learn to live it beautifully, by being yourself.

salt.

as the wind whips through my hair
the scent of the ocean polluting the air
the waves crash down hard, rapid
i look around me, practically timid

i am alone, here, tonight
alone under the moon light
fear itself is looking me in the eyes
how content i am when no one can hear my cries.

the salt from my tear ducts, the same as the sea
burn down my cheeks, dancing with glee
the cold sand beneath my feet
reminds me that i will not serender to defete.

i will stand tall, smile, and rejoice,
for alone i am, but not without a voice
proudly my head will never hang
and i will remember the words i have once sang

"you are alive, alive and free
never let anyone take away
what you've gotten for free"



Just a little something i was inspired to write. About, just when you're feeling alone and like nothing will get better, remember who you are and the voice you have inside you. The proud and brave voice you have is always just a stepping stone away, you just have to be able to pull it back when you need it the most. "You are alive, alive and free; never let anyone take away, what you've gotten for free" are words i thought of when i was half asleep one night. i sang them to myself and when i woke up in the morning i tired my hardest to remember what I had said. In the middle of my day, the lyrics popped back into my head and I quickly wrote them down so I wouldn't forget again. It was, in a way, really powerful to me that I just sang these words out of no where because they go with my life so well. "Never let anyone take away, what you've gotten for free" are words that mean a great deal to me. All my life I let people take away parts of me and I let myself become something I'm not. Never will I ever let someone take advantage, degrade, or rip apart what I know, as myself.