fresh start

The start of a new chapter, a new beginning.

Yesterday many things changed. My relationship that I have loved for over two years was ended for the better and I realized a lot about myself. Nothing is easy about a break up, ever. We had amazing times together and he taught me so much about myself, but I also learned things he could not teach me. I learned things that maybe he and others do not approve of; but that's the best part. The best part of it all is that this is my life, not anyone else's and I need to live for me.

I have been so strong throughout everything that has happened to me. I have been through more than almost all the 20-21 year old women I know, and I am proud to say I have overcome it all. But yesterday as I sat weighing out options and really thinking about what I want I realized something. I realized that what I want, is not set in stone. The things I want to do in my life are dreams, wishes and things that I want to accomplish, but they are not well-organized, set in stone or planned out for me to begin achieving. Now, some things, yes, I would like make a plan for...but I don't want everything to be a plan. I want to live spontaneously, travel to places on impulse, live my life day to day because why worry about the future, when it has not arrived yet.

We all sit around and worry too often. We worry about today's To Do list, tomorrow's exam, next weeks challenges, a few months down the road where we'll be, and the worst, years from now. Why should we be worrying about anything we cannot control in this very moment? I don't know where I am going to be in 2 years, hopefully working full time and doing what I love. But am I going to worry about the details of that now? No way. I am going to live in the now and enjoy every little thing that crosses my way. I want to open my eyes to what is out there, in front of me, and really soak up the beauty this world has to offer. And even if that means being on my own, with no man next to me, so be it. I have become a strong, independent woman and only I can make myself happy right now.

Opening a new chapter is always a little intimidating. It's like reading a book. Will you like this one as much as the last? Will you be satisfied with the outcome, the characters and the sequence of events? Will this chapter be the one to set up the climax of the full story?

I have opened new chapters before and they progressively have gotten better, so I am not all that scared this time. I have built up a strong foundation to carry myself and make sure I do not crumble. I have fought time and time again to gain strength, confidence and a high self esteem so that nothing will break me, even if I do fall.

Everything in life teaches you something. It is a learning experience every single day that we are living and nothing is ever the way you pictured it. But that's the fun in growing up. We are all so intimidated by age and growing up, but it's amazing how much we learn, experience, decide and live through.

I am finally proud of myself.

Be strong, be bold.